RatTree and Bang!
by Rainsdoodle
Summary: A random story that makes fun of Ratcliffe by making him RatTree. RatTree meets a Secret Agent Peep named Bang while on his way to see Disney's Pocahontas. The two become friends and embark on a zany adventure! Please R&R! Complete.


**Alright, guys, we wrote this a while back, like over the summer. Here's how RatTree came to be.**

**Me and Sophie were playing a game of Disney Charades and we got Ratcliffe. My friend Gus and his friend Matt came over and we played it with them. We got them to say Rat and then Sophie pretended to push me off a cliff. They didn't get it. Gus suggested a boat and a tree. Sophie said:**

**"Oh yeah, like I pushed my best friend off a tree!" **

**"It's Rat_cliffe_, not Rat_tree_!" I said. And then we desided to write a fic on it. It's basically spoof on Ratcliffe. We hope you like it!**

**Now Bang came to be that same day when we played Disney Trivia (Hey, it was summer and we were kinda bored!). I got Ratcliffe (Knock on wood) and I said:**

**"OK, one word. BANG." I said that because of when Ratcliffe shoots John. You know, the gun makes a bang? OK, so this is a little random and maybe a little stupid, but we enjoyed it!**

**Disney, please don't sue us.**

RatTree and Bang!

A long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, LONG time ago, there lived a girlish boy named RatTree. RatTree was different. Very different. He had very curly hair which he had dyed pink and purple, and he wore little tiny bows to keep it out of his eyes. And he was fat, not in the cool way.

One day, RatTree was skipping down the street to see the world premiere of a movie called Pocahontas. He had been wanting to see it for months (who knows why?).

On the way, RatTree met up with a very fluffy (and delicious) looking yellow stuffed Peep. He stopped. All of his friends and possessions were at home. (Please seek immediate doctor and/or therapy attention after reading the next page!)

"Heidi Ho Neighbor, of whom I have never met," RatTree exclaimed when he looked at the peep, "Weeter Weeter!"

"What's your name?" RatTree asked the peep, who just so happened to be a secret agent and undercover and he had not yet thought of a name for himself.

The peep looked around him franticly. Suddenly, a large bang rang through the air. He smiled and replied, "Bang! My name is Bang; and yours is…"

"My name is RatTree! Isn't it beautiful? I love to decorate my pink and purple hair! Do you love hair? I do! I also love soda cans! They are soooooooooooooooo cute!"

Bang stared at him in shocked silence, "Um…."

RatTree frowned. "Don't answer that." He said.

"I wasn't planning on it. So, can you tell me where I can find a fella by the name of Chompy T. TAIL?" Bang looked down the street suspiciously.

"Chompy the Tail? Is he _on_ someone? Cause how does he get his mail? He's on someone's butt!" RatTree said grossingly.

"No, no, no! That's not what I meant; he's a squirrel, and a mean one at that. I would stay away from the likes of him." Once again, Bang looked up and down the street as if he was being watched.

"No, no Chomp the Tail lives around here. I'm gong to Czechoslovakia to look for…" RatTree paused and leaned forward. "GOLD." He said. See, RatTree isn't very bright, so he thinks that if others hear the word "gold" they'll either faint or trample you because he thought it was a cuss word.

"Did you hit your head recently?"

"No." RatTree said. Bang looked at him.

"Are you SURE?" He asked.

"No." RatTree said.

"OK then." Bang said.

"You wanna see the movie with me?" RatTree asked.

"Heck, why not?" Bang said, smiling. He and RatTree went inside. RatTree bought the popcorn and Bang bought the drinks and candy. As they watched, RatTree and Bang bonded. RatTree's favorite character was Ratcliffe. Something about Ratcliffe rang a bell, in an ironic way. RatTree wouldn't put his finger on it, but it did.

"So what was your favorite part, Bang?" RatTree asked when it was over.

"I dunno. I liked it all."

"My favorite was the end credits!" RatTree said giddily. Bang stared at him.

"I like end credits." RatTree said, shrugging.

"OK…" Bang said. _This guy is off his rocker! _He thought.

A large looking squirrel with an eyepatch walked straight towards them.

"Is that your squirrel's tail friend?" RatTree asked in an amused voice.

Bang's eyes grew wide and he pulled RatTree back into the movie theater. "That's Chompy alright," Bang said.

RatTree began to walk out of the door when Bang grabbed a hold of his hair. RatTree looked at him confused, "Don't you want to say hello to your friend?"

"He's not my friend," Bang said flatly. RatTree looked even more confused.

"If he isn't a friend, then what is he?" RatTree asked.

"An enemy." Bang explained.

"What's an enemy?" RatTree asked.

"Ratcliffe was an enemy. He was a villain. He was the enemy to the Indians. And to his own men! He's a bad guy. He isn't nice and wants to do you a load of hurt!" Bang said.

"Um, Bang, why is he your enemy?"

"He's not. He's part of my mission." Bang said.

"Mission?"

"Mission to, uh, make friends!" Bang said, making up for his almost slip.

"OK! Hey big fat ugly squirrel! Over here!" RatTree called.

"RatTree, no!": Bang whispered.

"What? You said that's what he looks like!" RatTree said.

"Let's just go to your house." Bang said.

"Yeah! You can meet my friends and possessions!" RatTree said. He led the way to a small house.

"These are my friends!" RatTree said, Bang looked at him.

"Uh, RatTree, your friends are a rusty bolt and some soda cans and even more." Bang said.

"So?" RatTree asked. He picked up an old flashlight that no longer worked.

"Do you have any other friends, outside the house?" Bang asked nervously, looking suspiciously out of the windows.

"Of corce i do!" RatTree exclaimed, "I'm friends with the lamp-post down the street!"

Bang blinked in confusion, "That's not what i meant."

RatTree smiled and walked into the next room. A moment later, he came out carrying a tray with two Twinkies on it,

"I have been saving these to share with a friend who eats," RatTree explained.

Bang picked one up and pounded it on the table; it was hard as rock.

"How long have you been saving these?" Bang asked in a slightly disgusted tone.

"Only twenty years," RatTree said as he bit into his.

"TWENTY YEARS?!?!" Bang asked, dropping not only his jaw, but also his Twinkie.

"Yep!" RatTree said happily.

"OK, whatever." Bang said.

"My lamp post friend's name is Posty. Posty has frost bite from last winter on his passing button." RatTree explained. "I'm also friends with a stop sign in town!" Bang looked at him.

_He is in serious need of therapy._ Bang thought. RatTree smiled at him.

"Uh, OK." Bang said instead of his thought. "RatTree, have you ever thought of therapy?"

"No. Hey, Bang, let's go get a burger."

Bang considered it for a moment and finally agreed. He looked out the window for his 'friend' a few more times before they left the house. They walked to the local McDonalds and had a hamburger with fries.

"Posty would like this...if he could eat," RatTree said in a slightly depressed voice. Bang looked at him cross-eyed and continued eating.

After a few minutes of not talking, Bang finally spoke, "Are you ok?"

RatTree shook his head, "I'm so lonely. Posty has a grudge or something and he won't talk to me!"

"Did he talk to you before?" Bang said in a slightly frightened voice.

"Of Course he did!" RatTree replied.

OK..." Bang said suspiciously. He had a lot to learn about his new friend. Maybe he could change him!

"RatTree, are you sure it wasn't some kid playing a joke?"

"Yes. HE said that I kicked him. I stumped my toe on him once and it hurt like rip!" RatTree said, cringing at the memory.

"Let's go ride bikes." Bang suggested.

"NO!" RatTree said.

"Why not?"

"I'm Cyclephobic. I have a fear of bikes." RatTree said,

"Um... why?"

"Bikes attacked me in a dream once." RatTree siad.

"OK." Bang said.

"So, what do you like to eat?" RatTree asked him.

"Well," Bang said in a confused and thoughtful voice, "I like to eat Turnips."

RatTree gasped and looked around to see if anyone else heard. There was no one around.

"How can you just say that horrid word so...casually!?!" RatTree asked in shock.

"You mean Turnip?" Bang asked, confused.

RatTree put a hand over his mouth, "Why are you swearing in public!?!"

Bang moved his hand and stared at him. "I am not swearing, a Turnip is a type of vegetable!"

RatTree shook his head, "All Vegetables are swear words! DIDN"T YOU KNOW THAT!?!?!?!?!"

"No. Not really. RatTree, veggie names are not bad. I promise!"

"Alright then, but gold still is!"

"Whatever you say, RatTree." Bang said, rolling his eyes.

"SO what do we do now?"

"Watch a movie."

"OOOOOO! I love movies! My favorite is The Soda Can Express!"

"Soda Can Express?"

"Yeah! It's all about soda cans!"

_This guy is most definitely weird._ Bang thought. RatTree looked at him with a smile on his face.

"Let's go do something!" He said. Bang agreed.

They walked to RatTree's house and RatTree pulled out all of his movies to chose from. "I have Pirates of the Middle East, Whinny the Pug, Lizahontas, the Insiders, and the Seven Musketeers. So, what do you want to watch?"  
Bang looked at him confused and shook his head. "You choose," Bang said. "Alright!" RatTree said gleefully. He picked up Whinny the Pug and put it in the player. It turned out to be a five hour movie about how a dog eats a jar of peanut butter!

"Geez that was boring." Bang said. He picked up Lizahontas.

"That's kinda another version of what we saw today, Pocahontas. But it is Lizahontas instead!"

"This one." Bang said, holding up The Insiders.

"It's about these kids that stay inside all the time."

"This." Bang said again, holding up the Seven Musketeers.

"Name gives it away."

"This."

"About Pirates who live in the Middle East."

"Ok. Let's, uh, eat dinner?"

"Sure!" RatTree said enthusiastically, "We can have my favorite meal!"

"What would that be?" Bang asked nervously. He looked out the windows again suspiciously.

"Pickle-loaf sandwiches!" RatTree yelled.

Bang ducked beneath the window as a squirrel walked by. "What's pickle-loaf?" Bang asked.

"It's like bologna only it has pieces of pickle and the little red thing that they put in olives in it!"

"Hmm..." Bang said; this sounded half good. Then he thought a bit differently. Maybe not.

"Sounds good." Bang said. He was acting a little nervous. RatTree didn't know why, but he was. RatTree fixed the sandwiches and then he and Bang ate. Bang was now addicted to these sandwiches! RatTree smiled. He was glad he now had a friend that ate, even if he was a little mysterious. Bang was happy he now had a friend period, even if he was a little weird.

A loud knock came on the door. RatTree jumped up to get it, thinking it was Posty, while Bang hid under the couch. RatTree opened the door to find a large looking squirrel standing there.

"I'm looking for a peep named Bernerd, have you seen him?" the squirrel asked.

RatTree thought for a moment and shook his head, "No. No Bernerd. I have never met anyone with the name of Bernerd. But I have met someone named Paul once, but that was a long time ago in France when it was raining..."

The squirrel closed the door and walked down the driveway.

"Bernerd?" RatTree asked. Bang looked at him uneasily. "Are you Bernerd, Bang?"

"NO! I... I know no Bernerd. What gave you the idea that I did?" Bang said quickly.

"Nothing." RatTree said, shrugging.

"Alrightie then." Bang said. He smiled at his new, really weird friend. "I think it's time to go to bed." Bang said.

"But it's only 5:00!" RatTree protested.

"Me, not you." Bang said.

"Oh. OK!"

Bang curled up under the table. RatTree sat down to watch the Pirates of the Middle East when Bang screamed and jumped out from under the table.

"What's wrong?" RatTree asked.

Bang slowly backed away from the table and said, "There's a bee nest under there!"

"Oh," RatTree said, "You mean my other friends! Come out friends!"

A swarm of bees came out from under the table. They flew onto RatTree and started to buzz happily.

"RatTree, that is the weirdest..." Bang began to say but was cut off when a paw reached through the window behind him and lifted him into the air.

"Bernerd!" The squirrel said. Bang gulped. "Chompy has been looking for you!"

"His name is Bang and he is my friend. Let him go!" RatTree shouted.

The squirrel laughed.

"This is Bernard the Peep. He was sent on a mission to find my boss and it looks like he ran into you instead." He said.

"Bang! I'll help you! I promise!" RatTree siad. "Bee friends, ATTACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" HE screamed. The bees swarmed around the squirrel and he dropped Bang, screaming like a little girl.

"BEES! HELP!"

The squirrel dropped Bang and began to search for a can of raid. It failed.

Bang and RatTree ran out of the house and down the street until they were hiding behind a dumpster.

"That was close," Bang or rather Bernerd said.

RatTree nodded and looked at his yellow friend with a rather hurt expression. "Why did you not tell me your real name before?"

Bang looked at the ground, "That would have put both of us in danger."

"Ok," RatTree said cheerfully, "But how did you come up with the name Bang?"

"It's kinda a long story..."

"I got time." RatTree said.

"That Bang in the distance when we first met gave me the idea. And the movie we saw today also gave me the idea it was good name because I liked the movie. When Ratcliffe fired the gun at the end, it made a bang. SO it fits, I guess. You know who you remind of in that movie?" Bang asked.

"No. Who?"

"Wiggins." Bang said with a smile.

"The geekie one?" RatTree asked.

"Yeah. I mean, you aren't a geek, but Wiggins is so happy-go-lucky, like you." Bang said. RatTree smiled.

"I guess you're right." He admitted. Suddenly, Bang got a piercing pain in his side. He fell to ground.

"BANG! Bang, speak to me!"

The world slipped into darkness.

"Why is it suddenly so dark?" RatTree asked out loud. His eyes glowed white in the black.

"It's because he passed out," said Wiggins.

"Ok, let's skip to the next scene. This is boring," RatTree replied. Wiggins nodded, even though no one could see him.

The room got brighter and RatTree found himself sitting in a hospital chair next to a bed. Bang was in the bed, and Wiggins was standing in the far corner.

First looking at Bang to make sure he was alright, RatTree looked at Wiggins. "How did you get in the story?"

Wiggins shrugged, "I was out of a job, Ratcliffe fired me after a certain lollie incident."

"Tough," RatTree replied and looked worriedly at his best friend.

"Tell me about it." Wiggins said. He sighed.

"So why did Ratcliffe fire you?" RatTree asked.

"Because I let his liver flavored lollipop get eaten. That was his favorite and he shot the guy that ate it." Wiggins said.

"What kind of gun did he use?" RatTree asked when an idea popped into his head.

"It was an old fashioned musket," Wiggins replied gloomily, "He only used muskets."

RatTree, for the tenth time in his twenty-five years, had an idea. He pressed the nurse call button above Bang's bed. A tall nurse entered the room.

"what can I help you with?" The nurse asked.

"Do you know what kind of gun Bang was shot with?" RatTree asked anxiously.

The nurse thought for a minute, "it was a musket."

RatTree thanked her and dragged Wiggins out of the room. The two people ran down the hall and out of the building.

"Where did you see Ratcliffe last?" RatTree asked as they ran.

"He was at the movie theater, watching himself. He is probably still there."

They ran to the movie theater and burst into the room showing Pocahontas. Ratcliffe was sitting in the front row, holding a still smoking musket in his hands.

"You were the one who shot Bang!" RatTree shouted. Ratcliffe turned around and was shocked to see him. Something about RatTree was familiar, but he couldn't put his finger on it.

"Yes, I did!" Ratcliffe exclaimed, "I shot him for my friend Chompy!"

"Why did you do it Ratcliffe?" RatTree asked.

Wiggins tapped RatTree on the shoulder, "He already told you."

"Oh, well then how do you know Chompy the Tail!?!"

"I buy all of my lollies from him. That pest Bernerd was messing with his candy store. The government will never stop me from eating lollies!!!!!!!"

"Police!" RatTree called out. Fifty policemen stormed into the room and tied Ratcliffe up.

"Well," RatTree said, "that solves our problem."

**Three months later:**

Bang recovered from being shot and got a job at the local movie studio. RatTree, Wiggins, and Bang built a new house on the edge of town where they and Posty could live together in peace. Wiggins became a star in Lizahauntas2: Journey to a New Planet (which happened not to be a spoiler) and he won a Grammy. RatTree got a job at the local McDonalds, where he made some new friends. And in the end, their story of friendship was made into a major motion picture that was nominated for fifty academy awards. They all lived in peace and friendship.

But that doesn't tell how the heck Bang survived and how RatTree's personality didn't change but he got a haircut. RatTree and new friend Wiggins had to make sure Bang went into surgery. Bang was unconscious, due to the amount of stuffing he had lost. RatTree and Wiggins were a lot alike. They both were a little weird and like soda cans. Bang had to have his bee friends make a special honey and Bang had to eat it to survive. RatTree's hair continued to bug him. He was still the girlish weirdo we all know, but now, he got his hair cut. It is now back to its natural color: brown and blonde. Yes, brown and blonde. Don't ask. Anyway, RatTree was still off his rocker, but at least he LOOKED normal. He eventually met a girl named Cyndy and they got married. Wiggins stayed the same. He, too, met a girl and got married. (Those poor girls!) Bang stayed the same and kept the name Bang. He didn't do missions anymore and they all lived happily ever after and laughed at Ratcliffe

The END!!!!


End file.
